At Home with Heather

I use to have a blog back in high school, but have reverted to "myspace" and "facebook," which seem to be more for socializing than expressing thoughts or ideas.
I love to write and freely express my thoughts on paper. I think that this blog may be "raw" at times, because I express myself best with words. Often, I hold my emotions in about situations and write about it later in my journal. I have countless journals with all my feelings through out the years.

I have been feeling especially emotional lately, knowing that my husband Sam is leaving for Kuwait in just over two weeks. I know that I am very dependent on him in many ways, especially emotionally.
I know that the Lord is allowing this for a reason and that it is suppose to happen. I know this is yet another attempt of the Lord's to make me dependent on Him and trust Him.
It's hard because I feel like it hasn't been easy for me to let my guard down for many years because so many people have come in and out of my life.
My mother died when I was 17 and in the six months following her death, my boyfriend at the time moved to California and my best friend moved to Hawaii. I felt really alone in those times, but it turned my eyes more to the Lord and made me completely dependent on Him for all I needed, including love.

I feel I am in that place again. Where the Lord is asking me to turn my eyes on Him and trust Him despite the fact that the people who I love and who love me are dwindling around me. The family that use to nanny for moved right after our wedding. They were like family to me. I miss them everyday.

More than anything I want the Lord's will in my life. I feel empty without fulfilling the Lord's will. I pray everyday that He will do whatever it takes to help me fulfill my calling.

Free will is a gift. I hope and pray I make the right choices in life. We have only this brief moment in history to take for the rest of eternity, I want to spend my time here wisely.