At Home with Heather

I just have to include some thoughts about parenting that I read a few days ago. It really stuck with me and it made me feel good that there was another parent out there who put all the thoughts I often think about parenting together in a few paragraphs. :) I think because "attachment parenting" is not the norm many people ask questions about it, or even make assumptions about it. Parents who use this method are often thought of as parents who do not discipline, NEVER leave their children and are always hovering over them. I think this is not true most of the time. So here are some real thoughts about all those things in a way I couldn't have said better myself. This comes from "The Stir on cafe Mom" the entire blog post can be found here: http://thestir.cafemom.com/baby/104661/attachment_parenting_what_it_really?utm_medium=sm&utm_source=facebook&utm_content=natural_fanpage

"Attachment Parenting is often referred to as "child-led" parenting, and I see a lot of confusion as to what this means. Yes, we ARE the parents. Yes, we set the rules and boundaries. However, what child-led means is that we follow our child's lead. It's about showing your child respect as a person, for their needs, wants, and feelings. It has nothing to do with letting your child rule the roost, and anyone who claims such doesn't really understand attachment parenting in the first place. Child-led does not mean your child tells you what to do. It means paying attention to when your child is tired, and adjusting your routine accordingly, or being able to tell when your child is about to get into the restricted drawer, and gently reminding them that that is not acceptable, and there are better alternatives. We understand that every child is different, and we follow the cues of our child, and respect their individuality while shaping them towards the person we want them to be without squashing who they are or disrespecting them.

We also do not spoil our children -- to the contrary, we teach our children the difference between wants and needs, and to respect when mommy's needs will inevitably override their wants, and that they WILL be tended to -- if they wait patiently.

Dads are also very involved in this process, contrary to popular belief. AP mothers generally encourage the fathers to learn their babies cues just as much as they have. Moms all need time away from their children, and AP moms are no different. We want the other caregivers to know our child as well as we do, or similarly, so that our baby is not crying for a nap with the caregiver trying to force toys in their face. Also, with the ability to read cues and intervene before a baby cries, many parents don't feel like their child is a hassle at the grocery store or restaurant because they can meet their needs before a meltdown, so they feel more confident in taking their children out in public, rather than feeling tied down at home. As a result of both of these things, you may find AP moms who often state that they feel like "a part of them is missing" when they leave without their child (even though they enjoy the break) and that they're very, very discriminating when it comes to who they leave their child with, often limiting it to family and very close friends.

"Hover" parents are not AP parents. Hover parents never allow their children to make decisions for themselves, and have no time for their own activities as a result of not trusting their own child to make good decisions. This causes inappropriate dependency. Attachment differs from prolonged dependency. Attachment enhances development and encourages independence; prolonged dependency will hinder development."

I love the respect bit, because I've said it many times, children are not always treated with respect, so how are they suppose to treat adults with respect without a good example.

I like how it talks about how following attachment parenting does not mean that you "spoil" your children. It means making the effort to understand your child and put yourself in their shoes.

And I just couldn't agree more with the statement about WANTING to be with your children. I love involving my girls in all parts of my life. I ENJOY taking them to the grocery store and doing fun things with them. We are always looking for new adventures and ways to have fun and I love knowing that I can feel confident taking them out, even if things don't always go as planned.

So there you have it. I'm not saying attachment parenting is the only way, I'm just saying it works for us. And maybe this brief post helped explain why we decide to do the things the way we do with our girls.

mucho amore.